Cambodia, Part 2

Things I Don't Understand
07.27.07

- most of the Khmer language
- extremes within such close proximities to one another – Cambodia has more millionaires per capita than the States, leaving a very odd mix of the haves and have-nots.
- joy in the midst of such sorrow
- the cost of free will
- the sheer amount of irony in this world – on Women’s Island I saw a tree that was used as a place to throw babies against to kill them (so as not to waste bullets) and that also served as a source of ingredients to make an important medicine used during the Khmer Rouge time. It was like a modern day tree of good and evil. Additionally, I found that the Killing Fields aren’t actually fields, but an old building that used to be a school before it was taken over and turned into a prison and torture center. A place that used to provide hope for the future was turned into one that killed it. And finally, sex. A beautiful gift that has been transformed into an ugly, horrific commodity.
- what God wants me to do with this experience.

These past few days have felt less like an adventure and more like a very, very sad history lesson. After spending a couple of days in Battenbang with Rapha House, I traveled back to Phnom Penh with my in-laws to visit Women’s Island and the Killing Fields before they flew back to the U.S. It was very odd to be sending them back, telling them to tell Ben I loved him, and staying here. When Bill and Mary flew out, I joined up with another team going to Rapha House and made another 5 hour bus ride back to Battenbang. The girls planned a big reception and last night was full of dancing, weird food, and fun. The girls are trying to help me build my Kamir vocabulary and I think they get more excited when I pronounce things correctly than I do – and that’s saying something!

God’s really softened my heart towards this whole experience in the last week. After the jet lag wore off, I looked around at my surroundings and thought to myself, “I don’t like hot weather. I’m not a fan of Asian food. I’m not very good with kids. Why the heck am I here?!” But as I began to take pictures and get a glimpse into this world through my lens, something changed. I’m building relationships with the girls, particularly one little four-year-old named Andea, with whom I am utterly smitten; as well as gaining so much respect for the staff. I don’t think I’m ready to take up permanent residency, but I will be leaving a piece of my heart here. In the beginning I thought one trip was going to be enough for me, but my feelings about that are changing – given that Ben can come next time! This whole spending weeks apart thing is really starting to get old.