Tragedy

Today a beloved Fuller student suddenly passed away. I did not know her well, but I feel as though my world got knocked off its axis. We shared many friends and frequented the same get-togethers, but really, I barely knew her. And yet, I'm stunned. Bewildered. Saddened. Maybe I'm responding to the heartache of the ones I love losing one that they loved. Or maybe my admittedly intense and emotional reaction is due to the sheer shock of the tragedy - hospitalized for an infection yesterday and died this afternoon. She was at work on Friday. She had Halloween festivities planned for this weekend. She was young, vibrant, full of light. She was you. She was me.

She was here. And now she's gone.

News about her passing spread through Facebook like a wildfire. I scanned pages and pages of status updates on my phone, trying to figure out what happened. And it was odd - my Fuller Facebook world came to a crashing halt. But my other worlds kept spinning. And it made me angry. I became more and more exasperated with every comment I read that was about something besides life and death. Don't people know? Don't they realize how fragile life is? How can they all just keep living as though they will never not keep living?

Because that's all we can do, I guess. It's all we can do to be reminded once or twice a year of how fleeting this breath is. Tonight I came home and curled up as close as I could to Ben, lingering longer than normal, only then fully realizing that he is the reason I'm so affected by this stranger's death. Because it wasn't supposed to happen to someone like her. And yet it did. So, what guarantee do I have that it won't happen to him or another person I love? There is none. And that paralyzes me.

Yet, even as I write this, I know that life will return to "normal" soon; that this sharpened focus on the moment will begin to blur. The intensity of my feelings will pass. The promises I make to myself will be forgotten. And I will be like everyone else, writing banal status updates and insignificant blogs.

But maybe that's the point - to return to life and celebrate all of it's mundane minutiae. I think that's how this young woman lived her life, a life that touched more than she could have even realized, a life that will be missed by more than even knew her.

"Live your life. Play outside. Jump as high as you can. Follow a path. Kiss upside down. Have a green day. Take a deep breath. Leave your head in the clouds. Make time. Wear flowers in your hair. See things from a new perspective."

~PG's facebook page