Reflections

Apparently God's using the end of summers to knock me on my tuchus and cause me to ask some hard questions, of both Him and myself. Just like last year with the girls at Rapha House in Cambodia, the kids at camp this last week made a huge impact on me. Similar to last year, at the beginning of my experience, I thought, "What the heck am I doing here? Why did I commit to this?" And just like last year, the kids broke through my barriers and broke my heart.

There's always a little bit of detachment at the beginning, which, if I'm honest, I prefer. It's just easier to not be affected. Because, as I've mentioned here before, I have this fear that if I let down my guard, I will be overwhelmed with the pain of others. (Again, not an awesome quality for a therapist in training.) So, in both the instances with the Rapha House girls and the kids at camp, I was thankful for the distance my camera lens offered me. I only saw the kids at their happiest and best behaviors. Isn't that how we all want to see kids? But then, on Wednesday night of this past week, I had dorm duty and was helping some boys get ready for bed. One of them, let's call him Sam, was tidying up his bunk bed area and making things just so before he settled down for sleep. At one point he glanced over to his overflowing duffle bag and sighed. Then he said, "I am NOT looking forward to doing that laundry when I get home." That comment stopped me and my distracted thoughts in my tracks. Sam is ten. TEN YEARS OLD. Did any of you think about laundry at that age, let alone while you're at camp? I sure didn't. That comment may not seem like a big deal to you, but it sure broke my heart. And it reminded me that these kids aren't like other kids - being in the foster care system, they've had to grow up fast. Because if Sam didn't take care of himself, no one else would. And here I am with a loving husband at home doing laundry (even if he does mix the red towels with the white ones). What a wake up call for me.

I shared this memory in the staff debriefing time on Friday, and surprisingly enough, did so without breaking down into tears. But a few minutes later, a counselor shared some of his thoughts, and I can guarantee there wasn't a dry eye in the room. He shared this scripture:

The angel of the Lord came and sat down under the oak in Ophrah that belonged to Joash the Abiezrite, where his son Gideon was threshing wheat in a winepress to keep it from the Midianites. When the angel of the Lord appeared to Gideon, he said, "The Lord is with you, mighty warrior." "But sir," Gideon replied, "if the Lord is with us, why has all this happened to us? Where are all his wonders that our fathers told us about when they said, 'Did not the Lord bring us up out of Egypt?' But now the Lord has abandoned us and put us into the hand of Midian." The Lord turned to him and said, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?" "But Lord," Gideon asked, "how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family." The Lord answered, "I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together." ~ Judges 6.11-16

His voice cracked a bit when he read the part in bold...I think it's easy to understand why. How can we expect these kids to believe in a loving God when their lives have been nothing but hell? I can't get my mind wrapped around it, even as an adult. The only thing I can do is have faith that God will see them through. That, together, God and these kids will rise above their circumstances. But more times than not, it's hard to hold on to that promise.

Please pray for these kids and pray for the people who are trying to reach them.