Pick up on aisle 4.

As I'm sitting here sorting through coupons and making a list of things I need from the store, I'm wondering what you typically pick up when you go grocery shopping.

Because if it's girls, then you definitely need to become a patron of the Pavilions around the corner from my apartment. Seriously. I've been hit on more in the freezer aisle than any other place on earth.

The first instance was when I was in the dairy section and a guy, who, presumably shopping for similar items and not for a healthy dose of social awkwardness, asked me what my favorite cheese was. "Ummm...," I stalled, scrambling around for a quick response to this decidedly odd attempt at small talk. I glanced down to what I had in my hands, "Cheddar?" He shook his head and tsk-tsked me, indicating his far superior taste buds. "Come on," he chided, "all these cheeses to choose from and you pick cheddar? What about smoked gouda or brie? Or even some feta?" Just as I was about to get annoyed and offended about being judged, he asked, "Can I get your number?" Because he wanted to further educate me about the wide world of cheese? Then I realized, OOOOHHHH. This is SO not about cheese. I smiled sweetly and replied, "I don't think my husband would appreciate that." He looked surprised, as most people do when I mention that I'm married, and then shrugged, "Well, I had to try." Fair enough, I guess. He quickly made his way to the front of the store, all interest in cheese abandoned.

Then, most recently, I was leaving the store when I heard someone exclaim, "YES!" I looked around to see what all the fuss about and made eye contact with a guy making his way toward me. Before I could even attempt to make sense of what was going on, he asked, "Hey, are you single?" I shook my head with what I'm afraid was a horrified expression. "Crap," he muttered, in disappointment. Then he went on into the store. What the....? Really? So, of course my mind starts creating scenarios to explain this short sequence of events. Did he have a bet that he would ask the next woman who walked through those doors out on a date? Did he read his horoscope and learn that today he was going to find his soul mate? Did he forget to take his meds this morning? I will never know...I hope.

But the one that takes the cake, the one that made me giggle for days following the event, was when I was picking out some yogurt and a man approached me.

"Wow! Those are some pants! Red!"

I look over at him, somewhat taken back, "Uh...yeah...they're red."

"Like the wildfires!" he exclaimed, making reference to the latest surge out fire outbreaks in our area.

"Sure," I replied, turning back to the myriad of Yoplait options.

"Hey," he continues, "have you ever considered dating a disheveled Jewish man?"

Hmmm...no, actually, I had not considered that option. "Sorry," I replied, "I'm married." Why did I apologize about that? Regardless, in my experience, that's usually enough to deter further conversation. But no, not for this disheveled Jewish guy.

"Married?! Really?! In this town? You're STILL married?"

Holytrashstoptalkingtome. "Umm..yep...still married."

"Well, that's incredible."

"Mmmm..." I nodd, hoping to indicate that I'm donedonedone with this conversation.

"Well, if that doesn't work out for you..." he trails off.

What? We'll meet back here and give it a go? Give me a break. I give him a neutral smile and walk off. Without my yogurt.

Moral of the story: Pavilions is better than eHarmony. Or, at least your odds are as good. And second moral of the story: I need a bigger ring.