Crime Fighter (wannabe)

I was walking Mia tonight around the 6 (o'clock is the new 5) o'clock hour when I witnessed a robbery. I think. I was less than a block from our apartment and I heard the strangest sound. I stopped and looked back up the street to see what was going on and saw a car idling in the road next to a parked car. Weird. There was a guy standing outside of the opened driver's door, seemingly looking for something in the car. I stood there for a few seconds, trying to figure out what the sound was. At first I thought it was a wayward palm frond falling (part of the cost of living in Southern California), and I was wondering if it fell on that guy or the car he was getting into, but I didn't see any foliage lying about. At this point, I'm suspicious enough to take note of the car (light tan or gray, older model Toyota or Honda compact), but can't see the license plate.

Next thing I know, the guy jumps into the idling car, and it speeds off, right around the time I see shattered glass covering the ground below the driver's door of the parked car. "Did you just see that?!" I exclaim to a lady who had just walked onto the sidewalk from her apartment. She hadn't. I hurry back to the scene of the crime, and sure enough, the driver's window is busted. "What do I do?" I wonder to myself. I knock on the closest apartment door, thinking maybe I can find the owner of the car, but the guy who answers is clearly just waking up or high and has no idea who's car it is. I call Ben. He says my eyewitness account is worthless without a partial license number.

So, I continue my walk, thinking about the situation and developing theories. This is how I see it - clearly the thief knew the owner of the car. No one randomly stops on my street like that. The thief knew what he was looking for. That's why I felt so much urgency to find the owner, because I was confident my description of the car was all the person would need to figure out who it was who screwed him over. I've watched enough CSI and Law & Order to know that most crimes aren't random. I have no stats to back this up, but I know it in my gut, like any detective worth his or her salt. (And random violence is too much for me to consider.) Then I consider the fact that these thieves are idiots because who breaks into a car on a fairly busy street in broad daylight? It occurs to me that I may or may not have made my presence known to these two guys in the idling car. Great. I've got a big fat target on my back. What if I witnessed something even bigger and darker than I initially thought? I'm obviously a liability and these idiots will act rashly, assuming I need to be taken out. It'll just be a matter of minutes before they find me walking my dog. It's a good thing I called Ben, because now he can tell the police what I told him and there's hope that some day my killers will be brought to justice. I just hope Mia will make it home without me.

Strangely enough, I make it home without further incident. Lucky, I guess. But you better believe Mia and I will be watching our backs on future walks. You can never be too careful.

And now you know why I don't watch horror films.