DANG it!

Southern California gave us our first taste of earthquake today, after hosting us here for almost three years. It was the perfect mix of magnitude (5.4) and lack of deaths or major destruction; hence it was an exciting earthquake, rather than a dangerous one. Or it would have been, if I had only felt it.

That's right. While the rest of our corner of the world, from Los Angeles to Las Vegas, felt the quake, yours truly was driving down the 210 freeway and totally oblivious to the seismic special of the day. Looking back, I do remember a bunch of people slamming on their breaks for no apparent reason, but that's just par for the course in L.A. traffic, so I didn't think much about it. My brother, Mick, called about that time, but I didn't answer because of the new driving law, and I figured he was calling about the package I sent him in the mail.

I pulled into the Sam's Club parking lot a few minutes later and was trying to check my voicemail when it started acting up on me. Right about that time I looked up to see a huge crowd of people in front of the doors at Sam's and I thought, "Great. Just great. I came on a day when they're having some crazy sale and now I'm going to have to wade through a billion people just to get toilet paper." As I got closer, I realized they weren't letting anyone in. I also picked up on a murmur of nervous excitement spreading throughout the crowd. And I noticed everyone was trying to use their cell phones without success. That's when the thought hit me. "Well, this is it. The aliens have finally invaded." Because, clearly, that was the only logical explanation.


Trust me. I was just as surprised by that thought as you probably are. I didn't even know I believed in aliens! And I'm sure not some sci-fi girl. I think I need to take a break from Will Smith movies.

Anyway, as I was standing there, pondering what life would be like under the rule of Mars, one of the Sam's employees ushered everyone away from the building, and I was all, "Why do the aliens care if we stand next to the building?" Finally, someone next to me said, "Boy, that'll wake you up, won't it?!" And when he saw my confused, blank look, he asked, "Didn't you feel it?
Didn't you feel the earthquake?!"


OH! It was an earthquake. Of course! (Thank God!)

And then I got mad that I missed it.


I spent the next forty minutes standing outside of Sam's, chatting it up with my fellow consumers. When people around me realized I didn't feel it and never had experienced an earthquake, they proceeded to tell me every earthquake story they had ever heard. What a way to commiserate, no?

I later found out that by driving to Sam's that day, I was about twenty miles closer to the epicenter of the quake than I would have been in Pasadena. And I still didn't feel it. Do you people even know how much I drive these days? NOT MUCH. Especially during the week. I cannot BELIEVE the quake happened while I was in the car. Boo!

When I finally made it home, I held my breath as I opened the front door, sure I'd find my new shelf on the floor, along with my favorite travel souvenirs. But to my surprise, it was just hanging there on the wall like nothing had happened. Sadly, this was not the case through the rest of the house:

All and all, it was one of the most uneventful eventful days of my life. I'm glad everyone is safe and sound and thankful nothing else got damaged. But honestly, how does a vase shatter when it hits leather?

It must have been an alien.