Obliviousness to Devastating Paralysis

These seem to be the two extremes I waiver between in life and yesterday found me face to face with both of them.

After trying a new route with Mia in the morning and ending up lost in San Marino, a neighboring town known for its deep pockets and sprawling estates, I found myself coveting and daydreaming. I'm incredibly househungry right now. I long for the day when I have a dishwasher again, and my own washing machine and dryer (!). I have great dreams of a library with built-in bookshelves and a rolling ladder, of a wrap-around porch with a swing, and a few acres of land. It is so easy for me to get caught up in these desires, which aren't inherently bad, but can distract me from what Really Matters. Later that day I found myself having a discussion with someone about a commitment I've made that I'm now regretting because it's time consuming and puts me in a place (in more ways than one) that I'm not comfortable being. I was having bitter and self-entitled thoughts that, all in all, gave me a bad attitude that was incredibly self-serving.

Then, last night, I went to a screening of a "rockumentary" about modern day slavery and trafficking that served as a sobering shock to my system. If those topics don't take the focus off of yourself for a moment, I don't know what will. The documentary showcases some incredible musical talent, mixed in with interviews, and hard-to-wrap-your-mind-around hidden film footage. I don't know that I can put into words how I was affected by what I saw and heard, but I can tell you that I was reminded of how much I need to be reminded...if that makes sense. I desperately need my little bubble of a world popped on a regular basis to keep me from getting too comfortable and passive, because my natural tendency is to look the other way when it comes to suffering. I fear I can't bear all the pain that exists in the world, so I ignore it. How I ended up in the profession that I'm training for is any one's guess. I think my fear is that I will become so overwhelmed that I become incapacitated, that I will be swallowed up by all the suffering, paralyzed by the seemingly insurmountable odds. After all, isn't not caring or knowing enough to do anything better than being unable to do anything? Who wants to acknowledge that kind of helplessness within themselves, even if it we can recognize it as a lie from Satan?

How does one find the balance between these two extremes so that something can be done? I'm guessing the answer lies in looking to God to find the strength to carry on and to stand up for the rights of others, rather than trying to find it in ourselves. I don't know about you, but I find this to be incredibly challenging. One of my greatest downfalls is my desire to be self-sufficient.

Anyway. Please watch this trailer and be sure to go see the film when it's released. The soundtrack will also be for sale, and 100% of all the proceeds will be donated to charity. I might feel overwhelmed with how much needs to be done, but I can do this. And so can you.